why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
