Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
