This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
