I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Please don't give away my fajitas
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize