There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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