Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
