Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
No subtext here. People are naked.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
