i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I want a musical about memes.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
