I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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