Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
