Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
