Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
