he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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