So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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