I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
