Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
