I accidentally had phone sex last night
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
