Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
