Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
