Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
