why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
