she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize