I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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