i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
