i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
