if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
