I want to walk on stilts...naked
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
