I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
