I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
