After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Come see our sink grown plant.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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