Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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