I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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