i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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