Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
