How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
