I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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