I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
She's not a foreskin expert like you
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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