Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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