At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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