so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
