i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
