I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
