I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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