I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
