I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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