Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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