your thong is hanging out like whoa
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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