your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize