Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
