In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
