It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
