You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
This beer is not sobering me up at all
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
this hospital has no fireball
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
