I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
