The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I am available for nakedness
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
