craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
