He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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