Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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