I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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