i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
