Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
