Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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