He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
