So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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