Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
