How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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