My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
