Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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