i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
