forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
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