I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
