Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
