2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
