Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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