Banned from zoo.
Again?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
