Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
and she was petting her beer can
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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