Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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