What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
