Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
