you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
