What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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