You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
