I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
