He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
