No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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