He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
