Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
