no you cant smoke seaweed
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
