You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize