is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
