Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
