Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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