So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize