2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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