Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
