Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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