If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
The beers last night were like the tears from god
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
