a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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