Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
