I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
