I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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