The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
