I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
