Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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