he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
