Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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