I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
