Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
We don't watch enough power rangers
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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