I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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