They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
The air was thick with penises
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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