She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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