I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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