I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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