at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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