We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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