I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize