If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Buhtt sex?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
