You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I lost the right to judge tonight
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize