If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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