Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
