I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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