whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
